Four Viruses that Feed Conflict

When I receive a call from someone about conflict in a congregation, I know something about that church. They have a lot of gossip in that church. I’m not that smart. I believe the Bible.

Where there is no wood, the fire goes out;
And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases. — Proverbs 26:20

Peter Steinke, wrote about that principle in his book, Healthy Congregations:

Similar to a virus, anxiety needs a host cell in order to replicate itself. All forms of murmuring require the reinforcement of a host cell (cells) to continue and to grow. Four viruses are potentially virulent and can turn a congregation into a virtual “hot zone”—an anxiety pit. The viruses are secrets (gossiping, whispering), accusations (blaming, faultfinding), lies (deceiving), and triangulation (shifting burdens elsewhere). They are all expressions of the virus of anxiety. The presence of secrets or triangles are not themselves the disease. Rather, secrets and triangles enable the disease process. The disease requires a combination of the secrecy and the host cells (people who permit secrets to exist) (page 57).

Years ago, I preached sermons against gossip and thought that would solve the problem. Now I also preach to the people who listen to the gossip. This is opinion, observation, and a guess — if six people in a church would refuse to listen to gossip, gossip would cease in that church.

When someone tells an uncomplimentary thing about another, a good question to ask is, “What did he say when you talked to him about that.”

My son puts it another way. “You are delivering mail to the wrong address. The mail you’re delivering to me doesn’t have my name on the envelope.”

When you have a few committed to not gossiping and not listening to gossip, it will reduce gossip. It will be embarrassing when starting a story to be reminded that I need to be talking to that person instead of about that person.

Jesus said:

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

If a situation is chronic in a group (home, church, business, or softball team), it’s because everybody likes it the way it is more than what it would take to change it.

Innocent people become guilty when they permit and encourage, the guilty to continue to misbehave.

Here is a PDF of two powerful gossip illustrations: https://bit.ly/4hGQe0T

Does this man have one wife or two wives? https://www.buzzsprout.com/2369804/episodes/16235465