A few years ago at the preacher luncheon here the discussion came up about children of elders. You made a very good statement about wayward children and how many had to be faithful.
This is one of the qualifications that tells us the reason for it:
one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?) — 1 Timothy 3:4, 5
the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination. — Titus 1:6
One of the ways to evaluate a man’s leadership is to observe his leadership in his home. He must show by word and example he can lead people to Jesus. He’s done it in his home.
But what if a son or daughter becomes a Christian living in the father’s house and becomes unfaithful after becoming an adult and leaving home? Even having the best parents does not violate each person’s free will. Parents can teach and live in the best way possible, and the child can decide to go astray. The devil is alive and active. Children can choose to make wrong decisions.
If a Christian child becoming unfaithful disqualifies a man from becoming an elder or from continuing to serve as an elder, then when God’s children become unfaithful, does that disqualify God from being our heavenly Father? God has many spiritual children who have left the right way.
When a man is considered an elder, and he has a child who becomes unfaithful, the church has to decide — did this child become unfaithful because of or in spite of the father’s teaching and example?
Servant of Jesus, husband to Gail, father to Jerrie Wayne Barber, II and Christi Parsons, grandfather, great-grandfather, Interim Preacher, Shepherd coach, Ventriloquist, barefoot runner, ride a cruiser bicycle
Should a man serve as an elder if one of his children has never obeyed the Gospel, even as an adult? The child is a good enough person, but not a Christian.
A child becoming unfaithful does not make them no longer our child, no more than a Christian becoming unfaithful removes us from our Fathers love. I do feel at some point the father cannot be held accountable for the directions children take. If that is the case, them it puts an age or maturity on the requirement. I think faithfulness has more to do with the faith children have. Is it truly their faith or the faith of their parents? I do think it is the responsibility of the parents to help them make it their faith. I believe that if a parent has unfaithful children it should become a parents priority to do everything that they can to bring them back. If the children become the priority it could become hard to properly serve the church. The requirement is there and cannot be ignored.
Where does the Bible give an elder the authority to have unfaithful children? I see where it gives him the authority to have faithful children(Titus 1:6), but where is the verse that gives him authority to have unfaithful children?
I’m wondering if the children have to be faithful to the church. It says that he must rule his house well. It says the children cannot be accused m of dissipation or insubordination. Can that requirement be met with the children being obedient to the father while under his roof? As for the marriage requirement, he can be the husband of one wife, faithful to her and she can be submissive to him in the relationship. So does that satisfy the marriage requirements/qualifications? So I suppose the real question is does an elder qualify based on the decision of his children? If so, what age? And when is that requirement/qualification released? For instance, can one become N elder b if he’s an empty neater? These are questions that have been posed to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks
Eli is held accountable: (vs. 3:13) “And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them.”
Eli apparently participated. (vs. 2:29) Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?
In contrast Samuel is not held accountable nor is he chastised for his son’s choices / actions.
(1Samuel 8:3) “Yet his sons did not walk in his ways but turned aside after gain. They took bribes and perverted justice.”
How a man leads / loves his household, that which he has been given authority over, is obviously a reliable indication of how he will lead / love & serve the family of God as an elder (Titus 1:6). I am thankful God’s word is clear in its teaching that I will not be judged by the decisions & actions of others. I have come to the conclusion that it is because God gave them (adult children included) free will and the ability to reason and I cannot take that away from them. I will be judged based upon my decisions and actions (free will) in light of my God given abilities.
I must agree – When a man is considered an elder, and he has a child who becomes unfaithful, the church has to decide — did this child become unfaithful because of or in spite of the father’s teaching and example? Did this child become unfaithful because of or in spite of God’s teaching and example?
What does faithful mean? Baptized? Gathering for worship? Faithful to the life God has called us to live? How can we KNOW the faith and faithfulness of an individual?
We have to be able to see the fruit of a believer’s life. I think the command of having faithful children also put an impetus on us as the Body of Christ being so connected to people that we can know pieces of each individual’s heart that is under consideration.
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Jerry what if they are not living at home and become unfaithful
Bill,
Thank you for asking.
I updated the sentence to make that clear.
Thanks. I pray sister Barber is doing well. God bless
Should a man serve as an elder if one of his children has never obeyed the Gospel, even as an adult? The child is a good enough person, but not a Christian.
A child becoming unfaithful does not make them no longer our child, no more than a Christian becoming unfaithful removes us from our Fathers love. I do feel at some point the father cannot be held accountable for the directions children take. If that is the case, them it puts an age or maturity on the requirement. I think faithfulness has more to do with the faith children have. Is it truly their faith or the faith of their parents? I do think it is the responsibility of the parents to help them make it their faith. I believe that if a parent has unfaithful children it should become a parents priority to do everything that they can to bring them back. If the children become the priority it could become hard to properly serve the church. The requirement is there and cannot be ignored.
Where does the Bible give an elder the authority to have unfaithful children? I see where it gives him the authority to have faithful children(Titus 1:6), but where is the verse that gives him authority to have unfaithful children?
I’m wondering if the children have to be faithful to the church. It says that he must rule his house well. It says the children cannot be accused m of dissipation or insubordination. Can that requirement be met with the children being obedient to the father while under his roof? As for the marriage requirement, he can be the husband of one wife, faithful to her and she can be submissive to him in the relationship. So does that satisfy the marriage requirements/qualifications? So I suppose the real question is does an elder qualify based on the decision of his children? If so, what age? And when is that requirement/qualification released? For instance, can one become N elder b if he’s an empty neater? These are questions that have been posed to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks
Eli is held accountable: (vs. 3:13) “And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them.”
Eli apparently participated. (vs. 2:29) Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?
In contrast Samuel is not held accountable nor is he chastised for his son’s choices / actions.
(1Samuel 8:3) “Yet his sons did not walk in his ways but turned aside after gain. They took bribes and perverted justice.”
How a man leads / loves his household, that which he has been given authority over, is obviously a reliable indication of how he will lead / love & serve the family of God as an elder (Titus 1:6). I am thankful God’s word is clear in its teaching that I will not be judged by the decisions & actions of others. I have come to the conclusion that it is because God gave them (adult children included) free will and the ability to reason and I cannot take that away from them. I will be judged based upon my decisions and actions (free will) in light of my God given abilities.
I must agree – When a man is considered an elder, and he has a child who becomes unfaithful, the church has to decide — did this child become unfaithful because of or in spite of the father’s teaching and example? Did this child become unfaithful because of or in spite of God’s teaching and example?
What does faithful mean? Baptized? Gathering for worship? Faithful to the life God has called us to live? How can we KNOW the faith and faithfulness of an individual?
We have to be able to see the fruit of a believer’s life. I think the command of having faithful children also put an impetus on us as the Body of Christ being so connected to people that we can know pieces of each individual’s heart that is under consideration.