Book of the Quarter, April 29, 2019

Behavioral Covenants in Congregations: A Handbook for Honoring Differences, by Gilbert R. Rendle, Copyright © 1999 by The Alban Insitute, Inc., Bethesda, MD 20814-3211.
Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Lanham, MD
Library of Congress Catalog Card 98-73677
ISBN 1-56699-209-5

This book deals with an important concept. A group needs to talk about how they’re going to talk before they start talking.

Or they can just begin talking with the assumed rules which are usually unconscious, unspoken, understood, and contradictory. This leads to misunderstanding and conflict.

It was worth the read to me. Here are my highlighted “mustard seeds.”

Not to try to distinguish between the consequences of our own behavior and the natural consequences of the congregational system or the context in which the congregation does ministry means that the leader(s) will always feel responsible, and be held responsible, for everything that happens. In good times, when things go well, this misplaced responsibility is not usually perceived to be a problem. (Kindle Locations 313-315).

In less than good times, however, to fail to distinguish between the product of our own behavior and the product of the congregational system, or the context in which the congregation does ministry, means that leaders will always be blamed, or will blame themselves, for unwanted outcomes. It is common practice in organizations for people to want to know what went wrong when desired outcomes are not achieved. When it is not possible to identify what went wrong, people quickly shift to asking who was wrong. Since ours is a complex world and it is difficult to find clear explanations for the one or two “whats” that go wrong, it does not take long for the question to shift from “what?” to “who?” In a setting in which people are disappointed that their idealized outcome was not achieved, the leader needs to be clear about which results, or lack of results, rest on his or her own choices or behaviors, and which rest on the larger congregational system or on the context in which the congregation exists. (Kindle Locations 322-329).

“Criticism is the beginning of dialogue, and, in a vibrant democracy, dialogue is what citizens do.” So writes Stephen Carter as he recognizes that civility does not mean a deadening politeness or a denial of differences. While it is our similarities that make us comfortable with one another, it is our differences that energize, stretch, and help us to grow. (Kindle Locations 1069-1072).

My operational definition of conflict, which I use when consulting with congregations, is simply “two or more ideas in the same place at the same time.” Conflict does not have to be a fight. It does not have to be destructive. In fact, consider the reverse. Consider how damaging and destructive (and void of energy and purpose) the environment of a congregation is if it can only hold one idea at a time. (Kindle Locations 1073-1076).

Healthy conflict—the responsible exploring of our differences—is synergistic. It brings energy, creativity, and new alternatives to the congregation where once there was only one idea and one practice that everyone had to follow. But healthy conflict is an opportunity to grow in faith and in person only if differences are valued and if people practice civil and faithful boundaries with one another. (Kindle Locations 1092-1095).

A behavioral covenant is a written document developed by leaders, agreed to and owned by its creators, and practiced on a daily basis as a spiritual discipline. Practicing the discipline described by the behavioral covenant is an action of faith, since practicing such helpful and healthy behaviors is an acting out of one’s stated beliefs and values. It is far deeper and more significant than the manners of politeness. It speaks instead of holy manners—the manners of a faith community.
This document developed by leaders is a covenant. It is not a set of rules. Covenants refer to promises. The theological understanding of covenant refers to the promises made by God to humanity as found in scripture. While we currently live in a world of rules that are often found in legal or assumed contracts, the language of covenant speaks of promises. Promises are vows made with the intention of keeping them. When a legal rule is broken, we seek compensation. We want a wrist to be slapped, a price to be paid. When a covenant is broken we seek understanding and recommitment. We want to know what went wrong. What are we having trouble with? How do we try again? (Kindle Locations 1129-1127).

While the Golden Rule can be generalized and states that we are to treat others as we would have others treat us, individual congregations will each have some clearly identified ways in which Golden Rule behaviors need to be practiced in their particular setting because of what they have experienced. For some it may mean not leaving anybody out of the information loop so that no one is surprised by some new information that everyone else seems to have. For others it may mean giving everyone at least 24 hours to make a decision so that no one feels forced to make decisions precipitately. For others it may mean a commitment to pray for each and every member of a committee or board, including those with whom one most disagrees. (Kindle Locations 1238-1243).

Conflict has an escalating nature. It begins as a perceived difference or a problem to solve. When dealt with proactively, early stages of conflict become learning moments, but when left unaddressed, conflict often escalates to the point that subgroups within the board or congregation advocate positions and begin to establish win/lose strategies against the opposition. (Kindle Locations 1253-1255).

The value of such covenants is not in any enforcement of the behaviors. Like any tool of change, the value is in raising the appropriate issues and behaviors to a level of awareness and offering ways to have helpful and safe (non-blaming) conversations about them. (Kindle Locations 1265-1267).

To buy the book on Amazon: Behavioral Covenants in Congregations: A Handbook for Honoring Differences, by Gilbert R. Rendle