Book of the Quarter — Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety
Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety, by Jack Shitama, © 2018 by Charis Works, Inc., Published by Charis Works, Inc. in Earleville, Maryland, ISBN 978-1-7320093-0-1 (Ebook)
On the fifth Tuesday of each quarter of the year, I share a book I’ve read recently. I highlighted “mustard seeds,” which impressed me. I hope you find one or two that will be helpful to you.
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Here are the “mustard seeds” I highlighted:
A non-anxious presence means you contain your own anxiety while staying emotionally connected (page 13, Kindle Edition).
Being a non-anxious presence is intentional. It requires being reflective enough that when you feel anxiety, you understand where it’s coming from. This requires doing your own work (page 16, Kindle Edition).
Whenever someone comes to you and says, “Don’t tell so-and-so, but…,” it is likely that they are uncomfortable with their relationship with so-and-so and that they are seeking you as a false companion (page 29, Kindle Edition).
The way to help someone become more responsible is to allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions (page 34, Kindle Edition).
Life is hard. The sooner we realize this, the easier it gets (page 67, Kindle Edition).
The family systems theory of sabotage predicts that things will get worse before they get better. Dysfunction and anxiety will increase before they decrease. Ultimately, leadership through self-differentiation creates the emotional space that dissipates, not intensifies, anxiety—both your own and that of others (page 72, Kindle Edition).
Perhaps the greatest contribution of family systems theory is the wisdom to know that the only thing we can really change is our own input into the system. Rather than be overwhelmed by the many things that we can’t change, we can focus on our own behavior, our own functioning. This is managing self. It is not self-centered or narcissistic. Done properly it is life-giving to ourselves and the systems in which we function (page 91, Kindle Edition).
At the opposite end of the spectrum from charisma is consensus. Instead of focusing on the personality of the leader, the focus is on the will of group. This approach seeks to minimize conflict and polarization. It values peace, sometimes at all costs. And it values feelings and relationships over ideas (page 106, Kindle Edition).
As you might imagine, consensus leadership has its own problems. The biggest is that when leading by consensus, a leader and group are always susceptible to being blocked by the most obstinate among them (page 106, Kindle Edition).
A consensus leadership style, combined with the tyranny of the minority, is what sets small churches on the path to death and dying (page 106, Kindle Edition).
Another problem is that leaderless groups tend to panic more easily. When things get tough, there is no one to say, “This is what I believe we should do. Here is where we should go.” By definition, a consensus-led group tends to be leaderless because the leader is either unwilling or unable to take an emotional stand (page 107, Kindle Edition).
Being self-differentiated is not the same as being obstinate (page 112, Kindle Edition).
If a counselor works solely with the symptomatic member, things are not likely to improve. Because the focus is on the person with the symptoms, it has the effect of absolving others of responsibility and making it even less likely that the system will seek positive change (page 1143, Kindle Edition).
You may have been advised by a well-meaning mentor or advisor to stay out of triangles. This means avoiding getting triangled if possible, and getting out of them quickly, if needed. While this makes sense and will save you some stress and aggravation, it diminishes your power as a leader. Why? Because you can’t change a relationship to which you don’t belong (page 116, Kindle Edition).
Friedman puts it this way: “Staying in a triangle without getting triangled oneself gives one far more power than never entering the triangle in the first place. Many slick and charming leaders never get stressed because they intuitively stay out of triangles; but that makes them less effective.” (page 117, Kindle Edition).
Your genogram will help you identify where you have unresolved issues in your family of origin. Let’s face it. We all have issues. Nobody gets the problem they can handle (page 121, Kindle Edition).
To find more information or buy this book on Amazon, click the link or the picture below:
Link: https://amzn.to/4lJbJRS
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